April Fools’ Day Videogame Review, Mario Railroad for the Sega Bluejay Gaming Console
Well, Nintendo is keeping in step with the seasons for year 2063. Look, a new Mario game! The Mario Kart series ended 22 years ago this last October in honor of Christmas Halloween. Now, with our modern technology, we can play with railroads and boxcar trains. Mario Railroad has been a very, very successful hit for Sega’s brand new Bluejay gaming console. The Sega Bluejay gaming console is available for only 99 cents. I don’t know about you. That’s cheap! Sega’s Bluejay gaming console will be available at your local communist market in the New States of Hollywood. Gamers and players need travel tickets by airplane to reach the country of California and look for the best options of glow-in-the-dark donkeys and honey bears. Now, Mario Railroad is a very long game! From my reviewing experience, the game takes me 1,000 seconds to complete in full gameplay. That’s right! 1,000 seconds! And, it’s a very inexpensive way of seeing Mario drive a train on Princess Luigi’s local railroad system. (You know my review is a fake satire, right?) Donkey Kong sells junk food and Toad repairs cowboy robots. It’s really exciting! With Sega’s Beat controller, you have 20 joysticks for control of Mario’s railroad progress. You can save Mario’s progress by stomping your feet with Sega’s Beat controller. The Beat controller from Sega allows me to change the shapes of my buttons with a funny country voice. Some buttons are greasy; some buttons are stringy; and, some buttons are made of Arabic gum. I really love Sega’s Beat controller. I use 4 joysticks for acceleration, 7 joysticks for battle, 3 joysticks for exhaust pipes, and 6 joysticks for cowboy tools. Oh, and, with Sega’s Beat controller, my device is complete with up to 374 buttons. That’s right! My controller has 374 buttons! Can the Playstation Algebra gaming console do that?! The Playstation Algebra gaming console has no buttons and no joysticks. But, the Playstation Algebra uses a dark helmet controller with some kind of weird “heavy breathing” function. Anyways, back to the Sega Bluejay gaming console. Mario Railroad takes a long time to finish. 1,000 seconds! (Get it? Ha ha.) So, after taking cactus milkshakes, I was able to launch Bowser to the moon with only small groups of sumo princesses. Mario needs to deliver the sumo princesses to the nearest Fat Banana restaurant and save Toad’s jellyfish ranch from the evil hands of Dr. Pepper. Mario Railroad is brought to you by Dr. Pepper. Dr. Pepper is in Sega’s advertising on local UFOs. (What? Does Mario need a mushroom to grow up? That’s a plumbing cliche. So abstract and nonsense.) Sega’s Beat controller also includes Nintendo’s latest book on nuclear pet shops in Mario Railroad’s upcoming sequel next year. Mario Railroad Flight will be available next year on Easter Monster Celebration. For a limited time, you can visit Microsoft’s chocolate buffet restaurant and pick up a copy of Atari’s pogo stick controller for the Sega Bluejay gaming console. I love this game! You can only play Sega’s Beat controller by sharing it with 2 gamers or players. Gameplay with Sega’s Beat controller requires 3 gamers. 3 gamers hold Sega’s Beat controller. And, if you finish Mario Railroad in less than 500 years, you will get free chocolate at Microsoft’s chocolate buffet restaurant. Parking at the chocolate buffet restaurant costs only $2,478 in the New States of Hollywood, located on Okay Street in Sacramenta Arcade Void.
Oh, okay. In case you don’t know…
April Fool!
My video game review is fake. It’s a parody, satire, and comedy. I hope you enjoy it.
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