Videogame Review, Mach Rider for the Nintendo Entertainment System (on Wii U)
“You Are ‘Mach Rider’!” After seeing that quote in teasing words until the bike guy shows up on the screen, then seeing the bike guy in a hockey outfit as he holds a weak blaster gun, while the roads are chunky and hard to look at, I laughed my butt off. The Nintendo Entertainment System had this “game from the future” as one of its launch titles. But the game is broken! It’s as if Nintendo created this massive computer error and tried coating it with a horrible, generic story on motorcycle invasions which wreak havoc and chaos against humanity. Oh, and the music… it sounds awful! There was probably some guy in Nintendo’s programming crew with a horn who tried to play an edition of “The Great Race” soundtrack. Maybe the bike guy is like Professor Fate- a man who’s dressed in a horrible outfit and needs to ride a ridiculous vehicle with funny weapons to go off against hooligans, spikes, barrels, and more. Despite the awful music you’ll find the roads in a constant decay of frame-rate and we’ll be gutting it out in 8-bit worlds along the lines of insanity and broken mechanics. Seriously, I’m racing on the road (although it feels like I’m just drifting endlessly with a bad gun) while bad guys pardon my vehicle from moments on end into collision detection issues at bay towards madness. Often I don’t know when I can shoot something and the 8-bit worlds are so disenchanted, so wrecked, that I’m literally flying in the face of logic and screaming, “HELP ME!!!” Of course, you are Mach Rider! Fun and entertainment are to be had from Nintendo’s goof. At least I’ve only paid $4.99 for this on my Nintendo Wii U but what on Earth is happening here? Since when would people of the future actually get rid of a bike’s brakes? And why hasn’t anyone thought up of better means than making a bike as hard as rocks (which I can’t shoot)? The Course Design mode makes everything hilarious, outstanding, and perfectly useless. I’m not sure if I want to get on a road of my own hand after time is discovered to my eyes over other people’s roads. Endurance mode- after what I’ve just observed in the erratic animation and flow of game- is almost downright jokey. Not only can’t I see what I’m doing on the road but my horrible blaster gun can’t even destroy the tiny rocks, although I’m able to destroy one by crashing into it. Usually the road doesn’t appear on my TV until it’s too late. The Wii U gamepad doesn’t do a good job of producing some of its awful music and it’s not really quite a relief. So what Nintendo did in 1985 was give the players in our gaming world a huge computer error and call it something from the future. Pole Position on the Atari 5200 console plays very nicely: good animation, good controls, and good music. Mach Rider on the NES, however, is Nintendo’s pretension on upcoming events for gaming, reality, and injustice. What motorcycle freak would dominate planet Earth? That’s funny! Perhaps the NES “classic” would’ve not been a negative thing for early Nintendo kids in the 80s who had eyes like a hawk’s and couldn’t blink for one moment; however, if you blink normally like I do most of the time, Mach Rider will derail your train of thought into submission of mistakes and forced errors.
https://youtu.be/nNbyDXYL6wg
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