Videogame Review, Tennis for the Nintendo Entertainment System (Nintendo Wii U)
This sports game is hilarious but I don’t think Nintendo intended that effect. You’ll start off with some guys in the tennis-playing field where Mario blows his whistle as referee every now and then; in fact, Mario, as silly as he looks, pales in comparison to the tennis players. Running by your opponent is either snail-paced or ridiculously turbo, as if either his feet are glued or stomping on weasels or being activated by a hidden machine. You know the tennis rules. However, take a look at your controlled player in the field. Doesn’t it sound like a machine gun is roaring with ammunition every time he runs? That’s… silly. And my opponent. I don’t know why both he and I are struggling to hit the ball on easy and why he’s beating my racket performance in a notch of difficulty or two higher. Or, consider the field. The balls appear to dart up and down, bigger or smaller, at random. When I hit a ball it’s like the ball just suddenly grows and shrinks with no apparent rhyme or reason. And Mario looks so different from his usual get-out that you probably won’t even notice who he is, so, with where I’m going there’s tennis around the bend where I am to an opponent’s streak of dysfunctions: my opponent is either lame, or too smart for his own good. There’s also too much of this racket-not-working-for-me thing here going on. At times me and my opponent will take turns in failure to communicate where the functions display the ball’s heated mess against our two rackets, or tools for tennis which might as well be baseball bats instead. Well, I’ve been playing at this game for a while and it seems the program is sort of an accident with its presentation concerning motion to video and beyond. Visual styles for sports games come in lots of packages. In Tennis you’ll see a crowd of blue faces, or participants in viewership, who sit by the tennis court while the gameplay itself looks embarrassing by a landslide. Working with the ball as it zips back and forth between its constant random size changes gets really hard since the players themselves are just as unreliable for the camera on my TV for Tennis. Now I know what some of you readers are thinking… you’re thinking, “Why should I listen to this guy? I can buy the game myself.” That may be true. Buying a game is very easy. Only if you have the money! But what’s going to happen after I’ve reviewed 8,000 games 40 years later? Are you going to buy ALL of those games yourself? Well, maybe… if you’re swimming in cash and living in a golden palace. So let my reviews teach you something about craft, art, and performance. My words get tiresome sometimes even to me. But you’re going to blow up your bank account if you decide to buy every single, little game out there. Do you want a tennis game that’s a parody by Nintendo’s fault on it or should you listen to critics (like me) as they give lists and recommendations for the top, best games? Would you like to save money instead of having regrets? I rest my case on Tennis. Don’t agree? Okay, fine! Buy 8,000 games! You’ll have to face the truth sooner or later… even when my name’s not Uncle Sam!
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